Who You Want to Be
by TheVeiledFairy
Summary: In her room, in her bed, they're always Brittany and Santana. No matter what.


**Author's note: I don't own Glee.**

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><p>Brittany sleepily blinked her eyes open as she stretched out her stiff limbs and turned onto her side. She glanced over at the clock and saw that it was nearly midnight; she and Santana had been watching a movie after they'd come back from Breadstix and from the looks of it, they had fallen asleep.<p>

It wasn't the ideal way to spend a Valentine's night, but Santana had offered to drive Brittany home, and since Artie lived in the opposite direction of Brittany's house, she'd accepted. The car ride over had been...awkward, but nothing so unbearable that Brittany had hesitated to ask Santana inside. She and Santana were still friends, but after she started dating Artie, they'd become more distant than either girl was used to.

This was the first time in a long time that they had been alone together and when Brittany saw her parents' car gone, she'd smiled as she hopped out of the car.

She reached over to her left, brows furrowing when she was met with cold, empty space. Brittany got up from the bed, fumbling in the dim light the TV casted over the room. The DVD was on that annoying home page loop, but Brittany couldn't find the remote to turn it off and she needed the light anyway, so she left it and moved into the bathroom.

When she heard the shaky breathing and muffled sobs, Brittany knew that Katy Rose on repeat was the least of her problems.

Santana was cuddled in the corner of the bathtub wrapped around one of Brittany's body pillows and cradling her "special" water bottle between her knees. When she saw Santana like this, looking so small and fragile, Brittany couldn't understand how everyone in glee club thought she was a heartless bitch.

Yeah, Santana had worked hard for that reputation, but if anyone took the time to look closer, they would see that she really does care for them. Glee is the best part of Santana's day and Brittany knew that she only pretended it wasn't because she's afraid of losing them and after the attack they'd waged on her the other day, it seemed like a definite possibility to Brittany.

That's all Santana's ever been afraid of; people leaving, people changing, people treating her differently. She's terrified of change and always has been.

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><p><em>Brittany pulled Santana into her and flipped their positions, pressing her into the kitchen counter with a little more force than was probably necessary. Santana's eyes went wide and the carefree laughter of the previous moment died in her throat as she took in Brittany's concentrated stare.<em>

"_How many people have you kissed?" It was an innocent question by nature, but the position they were in caused the words to hit Santana right in the stomach, twisting it in nervous anticipation. _

_She gulped nervously as Brittany's fingers danced along her arm and up to her shoulder before trailing back down, leaving goose bumps in their wake. _

"_Britt…I…what are you doing?" Brittany didn't answer. She simply moved in closer, resting her forehead against Santana's. She'd been trying to get Santana alone for over 2 weeks, but every time she got close, Santana would make up some excuse to run from the room; run from what she knew was coming. _

_It was only a matter of time, really. The friendly touches and the firm presses of lips against cheeks had shifted to lingering caresses and the shy brush of kisses to the corners of mouths. These were like glaring, red warning lights to Santana so whenever they started flashing, she panicked and she ran. _

_But this time Brittany wasn't letting up; if anything she applied more pressure to Santana's hips with her own, holding her in place, grounding her in the moment that she'd been hiding from for months. _

_It was the beginning of freshman year and as Cheerios, there was a certain pressure to…build a reputation. _

_Brittany had taken to making out with anyone willing and Santana had insisted she had done the same, but Brittany suspected that she most often just intimidated people into saying they had done it._

"_I…uh…I've kissed 6 people. You know that,B," Santana chuckled nervously. Brittany smiled and brought her hand up to weave her fingers through the hair at the nape of Santana's neck. _

_She scratched gently and Santana's eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, head tilting back slightly as the hands previously hanging limply at her sides came up to wrap around Brittany. Santana laced her fingers at the small of Brittany's back as Brittany's thumb stroked across her jaw, fingers still roped into black tresses._

"_You can tell me the truth, Tana. It's only me; your Britt-Britt." The words whispered across Santana's lips and she blinked open her eyes in confusion, ready to reaffirm what she'd just said, but when brown met blue all the air escaped her lungs at the intensity of the gaze. _

_Something about Brittany's eyes compelled Santana to let down the guard she'd built up in the past few months; something wanted her to let Brittany in completely. She figured maybe it was because she wanted to have someone who saw her, really saw her for everything she truly was; for who she truly was._

"_I…I've never..." Santana trailed off, flicking her gaze to the floor as Brittany's eyes widened. Brittany had thought maybe it was only 1 or 2 people, but never that Santana had lied completely._

_She nuzzled her nose against Santana's, coaxing her eyes upwards. "Hey, it's okay. You don't have to feel bad, but can I just ask why you haven't? I know you were with Matt in the closet at the party last month. How come you didn't?" Brittany probed with genuine curiosity. Santana had seemed to actually like Matt, so she had been sure she'd at least kissed him out of all the others._

"_I wanted too…or I thought I wanted too, but when I got in there I just…couldn't. He wasn't the right one…" Santana glanced down at Brittany's lips, pouty and pink and only an inch away from her own, as she trailed off again. _

"_Who is the right one?" Brittany encouraged, feigning ignorance, although the fact that Santana hadn't pushed her away or found an excuse to leave yet was telling her that she'd been right about this, about them all along. _

_Santana watched as Brittany tugged her bottom lip between her teeth, puffing it out on one side and making her lips look even more kissable. She shuddered when Brittany's hand, the one not in her hair, trailed along her thigh and came to a rest at her waist, squeezing gently._

_She didn't speak and Brittany didn't push any further, content to watch and wait until Santana was ready to move forward. They were standing at the precipice of something that was bigger than both of them. They could never come back from it once they had taken the plunge, and Santana knew that because there was a part of her that wouldn't even want to. _

_There was a part of her that watched Brittany move through the halls, across the field, on the dance floor, secretly appreciating each dip in her step and unintentionally seductive sway of her hips. Santana had been trying to suppress these feelings, but with Brittany pressed against her so intimately, she couldn't deny the desire coursing through her body. _

"_Brittany, we can't," Santana whispered pleadingly, but her voice lacked conviction and her body betrayed her as she splayed her hands across Brittany's back, nails digging in and leaving crescent scars on freckled skin._

_It was a last feeble attempt at preserving the innocence of their friendship, but when she saw Brittany smirk down at her, Santana knew it was a battle already lost; Brittany never smirked._

_She felt the shift in the air as Brittany leaned into her, brushing her lips against hers, mapping. It was more of a touch that a kiss; a tentative test of the waters meant to gauge her reaction. _

"_Let me see you, Santana. Just be who you want to be…right now…here with me," Brittany breathed and Santana let the words wash over her, slowly, before she took a deep breath and pressed her lips firmly against Brittany's._

_In an instant they were kissing, _really_ kissing and Brittany was a little taken aback by Santana's eagerness. She was clinging to Brittany as if letting go would bring her entire world crashing down and her lips were working wide, open-mouthed kisses along the column of Brittany's neck. _

"_Tana...Ung…Mmm…Santanaaa," Brittany whined, pressing her hands gently, but firmly to Santana's shoulders and pushing her away from that spot just behind her ear that was making it oh so difficult to focus. _

_Santana's mouth disconnected with a loud smack and she studied Brittany with hooded eyes, panic quickly setting in as she realized exactly what they had just been doing and where it could have headed. _

_Brittany caressed her cheek lovingly and whispered, "Slow. We have all the time in the world to be together, okay? My parents don't come home till late on school days now. Remember?"_

_Santana stiffened and moved out of Brittany's embrace completely, leaving her best friend cold and confused at the sudden shift in her behavior. "What's wrong, Santana?" Brittany tried, reaching out to pull Santana back in, but she resisted and Brittany's frown deepened. _

_She isn't sure why, but Santana suddenly found herself irrationally angry; at herself, at Brittany, at the whole situation. She was shaking, fists clenching at her sides as she whirled on Brittany, hitting her with a look of complete and utter disbelief. _

"_What? Do you think just because I wanted to get my first kiss over with, we're gonna be doing this all the time now? Get real, Brittany. We're not gay," she spit and Brittany cowered at the stinging words. _

_Santana saw the hurt in Brittany's eyes, but she couldn't seem to stop herself, "What were you even thinking…making me kiss you like that?" At those words Brittany eyes shot up and she set her jaw, raising herself to her full height and towering over Santana._

"_No. I didn't make you do anything," Brittany said lowly, trembling with a mix of incredulity and disappointment. "I told you to be who you wanted to be, Santana and obviously you want to be a you that's attached to my face."_

_Santana's eyes narrowed and she turned and stormed out of the kitchen; Brittany didn't move an inch until she heard the tell tale sounds of feet hurrying across her bedroom floor, down the stairs again and out the door. _

_When they got to school the next day, it was as if nothing had happened. They sat together, held pinkies, and strutted down the halls side by side as if nothing had changed. _

_Anyone on the outside would have never guessed that Santana's stomach was churning every time she saw Brittany talking to some football player (or cheerleader), or that Brittany was only half committed when Mike pulled her into the supply closet. _

_She shot Santana hopeful looks from her locker when the final bell rang, but she always smiled and then made her way out to her car, alone. Brittany didn't know what to do and for days, she made the 4 block walk home and sat in her empty house, alone. _

_It took 2 weeks before Santana agreed to come to Brittany's after school again and Brittany didn't even try to hide the smirk on her face when Santana offered her a pinky and a smile at the lockers that day._

_It only took three more days of that before Santana was pressing Brittany into her bed with her hips and her lips, kissing her with everything she had. Brittany flipped them over and gazed down at Santana, beaming happily._

_She threaded a hand into Brittany's hair, drawing her down and she immediately went to work on Santana's neck, nibbling at a spot near her collarbone that Brittany would learn always drew out a whimper. _

_Santana squeezed her eyes shut, trying desperately to push away the thoughts that threatened to ruin this moment of escape she was sharing with Brittany, but even away from the prying eyes and judgmental stares, she couldn't completely let go. _

"_Britt…just…just don't tell anyone about this," she choked and Brittany's kisses faltered for only a moment before her lips were at Santana's ear, warm and wet and whispering, "Okay, but promise. Out there we can be whoever else you or they want us to be; whoever else we have to be. But in here, in this bed, in this place Santana…promise me that we'll always just be us. No lies. No pretending. Just us."_

_Santana didn't answer right away and she felt Brittany frown against her neck. She made a move to get up, but Santana's hands were at her hips in an instant, keeping her in place as she looked up at Brittany, "I promise."_

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><p>Brittany didn't waste any time before climbing into the tub behind Santana and pulling the shaking girl into her arms.<p>

"San, sweetie, what is it? What's the matter?" Brittany cooed and Santana shifted to face her, tears still clinging to her long lashes as she blinked up at Brittany.

"I just…I really don't want to be Janis, Britt. I just can't…" Santana sobbed and Brittany had to hold in a chuckle as her best friend continued to cry hysterically.

"Santana, why would anyone think you're like Janis?"

Santana only sobbed harder, "I don't know. What if they make like a burn book? They'll call me a dyke and…and… I can't cut off all my hair Brittany, I just can't."

Brittany rubbed soothing circles on Santana's back, whispering words of comfort into her ear until she felt her body relax. She isn't sure how long they sat in the tub, rocking gently in a surprisingly comfortable silence, but Brittany jumped when she heard Santana mumbling into her neck.

"Thanks for taking care of me...I just...feel like I'm losing you lately," she revealed and Brittany knew that it was the alcohol making her looser with the truth than she probably would be any other time.

"You're not losing me, Tana. I'm your Britt-Britt, remember? Always."

Santana's body tensed at the statement and Brittany pulled back, but Santana refused to meet her eyes. "You're not mine. You're _his _now."

Brittany had no idea that Santana was feeling this way and she was at a loss for words. She knew that since Artie, they hadn't been together as much, but she had no idea how alone her best friend was feeling.

"Santana, no...I just...come back to the bed, okay?" She rose from the tub, grabbing the bottle from between Santana's knees and taking a healthy swig before offering her hand and pulling Santana to her feet.

She was still a little unsteady from the alcohol, so Brittany led her to the bed by the hand and laid her down in the darkness. She climbed in after her and nestled herself snugly into Santana's side. Brittany was surprised when Santana didn't fight the attention, but was pleased as it would make what she was about to say a little easier. She paused for a moment to study Santana, running her eyes over the sullen girl in the flickering light of the TV.

"You're beautiful, Santana. So beautiful..." she trailed off as her eyes settled on Santana's lips, so full and round, just aching to be kissed. Brittany's mouth went dry as her eyes traveled down to Santana's enhanced cleavage. She'd ditched the leather jacket she'd worn at the restaurant so Brittany had a perfect view of the supple mounds, rising and falling in time with Santana's breathing.

Santana turned onto her side, facing Brittany and lacing their fingers together to rest between them. "Do you really mean that?"

Brittany smiled at her, squeezing her hand and leaning in to do the only thing she could think of doing that would fully portray just how much she did mean it. When she brought their lips together, they both moaned at the contact. It had been so long since they'd felt each other in this way and they'd missed it more than either of them cared to admit.

Santana wrapped her arm around Brittany's waist, pulling their bodies against together as they continued relearning each other through the touches and kisses they'd been denied for too long. Things were quickly getting heated as Brittany shed the pink sweater she'd worn over her unitard and began pushing down the straps of Santana's dress.

When Santana felt Brittany's hand move from it's place on her ass to tease under the hem of her dress, she pulled back.

"Wait, Britt," she sighed, resting her forehead against Brittany's and heaving, "We can't do this...you're with...you have a...we just can't. You know why."

Brittany giggled and Santana stared back at her as if she'd grown a second head, "You're so silly, Santana." She could hear the effects of the alcohol in Brittany's voice as she pressed on, pouting, "And you're breaking your promise," she murmured moving in towards Santana's lips again.

She placed a soft lingering kiss there, sucking on Santana's bottom lip as she pulled away. "In this room, we're just us. Out there doesn't matter. You promised; no pretending."

Santana was dumbstruck and Brittany knew that she'd won. She began kissing down Santana's neck as she continued, "So stop pretending like you don't want this as much as I do, and just kiss me." She nipped at Santana's collarbone and traced meaningless words against Santana's hips with her fingers.

Brittany was waiting for the resistance, for the "It's just not right, Brittany," talk to come, but Santana remained still and submissive to Brittany's ministrations and it emboldened Brittany to throw her leg across Santana's hips and straddle her.

She leaned down to capture Santana's lips with her own, tongues sliding sloppily against each other as alcohol and delirious need clouded their minds. Brittany raised herself up to roll Santana's dress up her body and over her head, leaving her clad in only her underwear as she made quick work of Brittany's skirt and unitard.

They came together, skin to skin, and each shuddered as the warmth from each other's arousal collected between their bared bodies. Santana loosened Brittany's ponytail and Brittany threw Santana's headband across the room before she moved to hover over Santana's thigh. Brittany lowered herself slowly, growling when Santana's hips bucked prematurely, inadvertently delivering Brittany with a rush of pleasure that she had not been ready for.

Santana reached around and unsnapped Brittany's bra as she began grinding down on Santana's thigh with a vigor the likes of which Santana had never seen, not even from Brittany. She dug her nails into Santana's shoulders, mewling and moaning uninhibitedly as she rubbed herself harder against caramel skin. Santana left suckling bite marks across Brittany's collarbone, immediately wincing when she realized that someone else might wonder where Brittany had gotten them.

Almost as if she could read Santana's mind, Brittany leant over and kissed Santana passionately before stuttering, "It's...okay...we can-_oh-_just tell him...it's-_fuck-fine_...because we're not...we're-_hnngg-_not cheating. The..the...plumbing's different," she finished breathlessly, seconds away from her orgasm and panting wildly as she jerked on top of Santana.

And though she knew that that wasn't how things worked out in the real world, there with _her_ Britt-Britt, Santana was willing to break their own rules and pretend for a little while.

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><p><strong>So I hope you guys like that and please leave a review if you did:) I love hearing from you guys!<strong>


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